Happy 200th Birthday Charles Darwin!

by Andre

If Charles Darwin, author of The Origin of Species, were alive today he would be a very old man. He would more likely than not use a cane and have crooked back and it’s possible that he would have become beard-bald and therefore unrecognizable to the public.

He would surely be preparing for his bicentennial birthday with cake, loot bags, and chips.

Gee Golly, just think about all the fun that could be had!

Others celebrating their bicentennials around the same time would surely join in on the fun. Abe Lincoln would contribute his token top hat in place of the traditional punch bowl. Edgar Allan Poe, the mischievous poet that he probably was would spike the punch and German composer Felix Mendelssohn would be the first to pay the price. He never was able to hold his alcohol after all.

Alas, as always, there is a downer at every party and this party would be no different.

The problem would begin with crooked old Darwin walking to the hat for a refill when BAM! Out of nowhere would cometh the Creationist’s foot.

“What’s your problem man?” -Charles Darwin”

“What’s your problem man?” Darwin would shout while Poe helped him back to his feet.

“Back off man!” A stumbling Mendelssohn would charge in, trying to keep the peace.

“God created the Universe in six days and then rested on the seventh!” Creationist Rex would undoubtably preach.

The entire room, decently annoyed with Rex, would fall silent until Pierre-Joseph Proudhon might ease the tension with whatever was on his mind at the time. “You desire neither Catholicism nor monarchy nor nobility, but you must have a God, a religion, a dictatorship, a censorship, a hierarchy, distinctions, and ranks. For my part, I deny your God, your authority, your sovereignty, your judicial State, and all your representative mystifications.”

Soon enough, people would be talking again and the party could continue.

Louis Braille would attempt to explain his system to Napoleon III (who was only invited because of the huge 200-Years-Bash he threw the year before). P.T. Barnum would shotgun back a few cans with Proudhon before slamming his arm around his back saying, “What you said back there really didn’t make any sense within the context of what was happening. But we’re all glad you said it I assure you that much!”

In the end, Charles would pass out fully clothed in his bed and everyone would later claim the evening to be a smashing success!

The End

The moral of the story is that Creationism is wrong. It doesn’t make any sense at all. And that evolution should be accepted as fact.